I thought “自弁” (jiben) meant “self-provisioned bento.” However, it actually means to “understand” or “distinguish” for oneself, implying that you prepare things yourself. Besides bento or lawyer, I couldn’t think of anything else.
In my diary, I repeatedly made embarrassing mistakes with the kanji for “ben” (弁). For a while, I’ll continue writing my diary with this blush-inducing typo.
In my October 2nd diary entry, I was bracing myself for the possibility of additional charges. I also wrote about receiving jabs from the detectives during the interrogation.
Although the two detectives seemed like nice people, their methods were questionable—legal, gray, or outright illegal. As a suspect, they presented me with what felt outright illegal rather than gray…
自弁
自弁とは、自分の弁当の意味だと思った。本当の意味は自ら「わきまえる」、「わける」ことらしい。つまり、自分で用意するということだ。弁当か弁護士しか思いつかない。
日記の中では弁という漢字をひたすら間違って恥ずかしい。しばらく、この赤面級の誤字で日記を綴っていく。
10/2日記の中では、追起訴をされるおそれのために身構えている様子が窺える。そして、取調べ中に刑事によるジャブを食らっている様子も書いている。
人が良さそうな２人の刑事だったが、手法は合法かグレーかアウトなのか。被疑者だった僕にはグレーでなくアウトを突きつけてきた彼らだったが・・・。
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