I’m sorry, I went a bit too far yesterday. While the content wasn’t exaggerated, my emotions got the better of me in the way I expressed it. To summarize what I said yesterday more concisely:
The food is bad for health and tastes terrible, and it’s served on a relentless rotation.
I ate the same kind of stuff so often that I can remember the taste and appearance clearly. Maybe I should draw it and hold an exhibition someday. Not that anyone would come to see it, but bad food is a serious disregard for human rights. For someone maintaining their right to remain silent, it really wears you down.
I recalled something the prosecutor said to me. When I told her how awful the detention center food was, she mentioned that she had also eaten it during some training or other and found it tasty. Of course, if the prosecutor’s coming, they’re going to make sure it tastes better, right? Lol. On days when higher-ups visit the detention center, the place gets thoroughly cleaned, and the staff stand a little straighter. Even those of us behind bars stand at attention, waiting for them to pass by.
The career people in the prosecution, the judiciary, and the upper echelons of the police force might be continuously fed a polished version of reality, leading to some persistent misconceptions. The famous line from the movie goes, “The case isn’t solved in the conference room; it’s solved out in the field.” This line keeps running through my head.
I shared my deduction with the prosecutor, explaining that the Tokyo Metropolitan Police’s meals are so bad that they can’t possibly reach a level of being tasty, no matter how hard they try. So, whatever she ate must have come from somewhere else. I asked her where she had her bento, and sure enough, it turned out to be from somewhere other than Tokyo. Here’s some advice for all the would-be criminals out there: if you commit a crime in Tokyo, you’ll be stuck with awful food and sleeping on a thin, narrow 70 cm wide “senbei futon” (a mattress as flat as a rice cracker). In other prefectures, you can enjoy better food and sleep on a single-sized, comfy futon.
I also heard from a veteran criminal that the food gets better as you move from Tokyo to Kanagawa, and finally to Saitama. Apparently, in Saitama, you can even get some decent meals from time to time. But in Tokyo and Kanagawa, the quality is low, likely because there are more people to feed. It might as well be considered animal feed.
The taste that brings back memories for me is carrot and lotus root. Carrots used to have a distinctive earthy taste that many kids couldn’t stand, but now they’re sweeter and easier to eat, with less smell. Tomatoes used to be off-puttingly green-tasting as well. Those old vegetable flavors have disappeared from our tables, but I found them again in the detention center. One bite, and it tasted like something from 35 years ago. Lotus root isn’t earthy, but it keeps showing up. I’ve never eaten so much lotus root in my life.
To end on a positive note, I’d like to mention the ingredients that I actually found tasty.
Breakfast – Omelet, pickled takana
Lunch – Curry croquette
Dinner – Pickled radish, pumpkin croquette, menchi-katsu, hamburger steak
Everything else I’ve mentioned is awful. Once you get used to the diet in detention, your standards for what tastes good drop significantly, so the items I just listed were the best among the lot. For the rest, I just ate mindlessly, washing it down with tea. Eventually, I began craving the taste of freedom again, so I treated myself to extra meals, known as “jiben.” Here’s how it works:
Daily special bento (as shown in the “jiben” photo)
Fried chicken (every time)
Drink (alternating between juice and milk daily)
As for the best “jiben” items, they were the takana fried rice, fillet cutlet bowl, and twice-cooked pork. Everything else was either below passing or barely made the cut. It cost 600 yen.
The fried chicken was good enough to be enjoyed even outside of detention, but the daily special bento was almost always bad despite the variety. Still, the regular lunch was so awful that I had to buy the jiben. I wonder if they intentionally make the lunch so bad to boost jiben sales.
Thanks to my mother and other family members who put money in my account to buy these extras.
留置場グルメ②
ごめん、昨日は少し言い過ぎた。内容は誇張していないけど表現に感情が乗ってしまった。昨日の内容を改めて簡潔に述べるとこうなる。
不味くて体に悪いメシがローテーションで続く。
同じようなものをしょっちゅう食っていたから味も形も思い出せる。いつか絵に書いて画展でも開こうかな。誰が観るんだって話だけど、メシマズも立派な人権軽視だと思う。黙秘している身としては胆力が削ぎ落とされるよね。
検事に言われたことを思い出した。彼女に留置職がいかに不味いかを伝えたところ、彼女自身も研修か何かで食べたけど美味しかったそうだ。検事殿が来る場合、不味いもんもうまく作るに決まっているでしょ 笑。留置内は警察のお偉いさんが来る日は片付けを念入りにするし職員の背筋もいつもより伸びているんだから。檻の中のこっちだってシャキッと構えて通り過ぎるのを待っている。
検察・裁判官・警察組織上層部のキャリア組はそんな出来上がった世界ばかりを見せられているから何か勘違いが続いているのかもしれない。”事件は会議室で起こっているんじゃない、現場で起こっているんだ。”という迷台詞が頭を過ぎる。
先の検事にも伝えたが、警視庁の飯はどれだけ頑張っても美味しいというレベルに到達できないほどの場所にスタートラインがあるので、彼女の食べたものは別の場所だという名推理を披露し、どこの弁当を食ったかと尋ねたらやはり東京ではない別の場所であることがわかった。全国の犯罪者予備軍にアドバイスをあげよう。東京で犯罪をすると飯が不味いし、煎餅布団（厚みのない、幅70cmの狭いペラペラの布団）で寝ることになる。他県だとメシウマでシングルサイズのフカフカ布団で眠ることができる。
あと、犯罪のベテランから聞いた話だが、東京・神奈川・埼玉の順に不味いらしい。それも埼玉くらいになると、割と美味しい飯も出ることがあるんだって。東京・神奈川は人数も多いせいか、クォリティは低い。もうエサだと思っていいかもしれない。
懐かしいと思った味が、にんじんとレンコン。にんじんはかつて、根野菜独特の土臭さに食べられない子供が続出していたが最近のにんじんは甘くてニオイも少なく食べやすい。トマトも昔は青臭くて嫌いになる子が多かった。今はそんな昔の野菜の味が食卓に並ぶことがなくなったが、留置場で見つけてしまった。一口食べて、35年ほど前の味がすると思ってしまった。蓮根は土臭くはないが何度も出てくる。人生であんなに蓮根を食べた日々はない。
最後はいい話で締めくくりたいので、美味しかった具材をあげてみたいと思う。
朝食 – オムレツ、高菜
昼食 – カレーコロッケ
夕食 – たくあん、かぼちゃコロッケ、メンチカツ、ハンバーグ
あと他に書いているものは、全部不味い。留置内の食生活に慣れると美味いと思うハードルがグッと下がるのでその中でも美味いものを先ほど挙げたのだが、それ以外は心を無にして食べ、お茶で腹に流し込むという感じだった。やはり、シャバの味が恋しくなるので自弁と呼ばれる追加飯を頼んで自分にご褒美を与える。仕組みは以下。
日替わり弁当（写真「自弁」の通り）
唐揚げ（毎回）
飲み物（ジュースや牛乳のうち日替わりで１つ）
自弁で美味しかったものも挙げると、高菜チャーハン、ヒレカツ丼、回鍋肉。あとは落第点もしくは及第点ギリギリ。600円。
唐揚げだけはシャバでも評価される味だが、日替わり弁当はあれだけの種類があるがほぼ不味い。それでも昼食の内容が酷すぎるので買ってしまう。いや、自弁の売上のために酷い昼食になっている可能性もあるのではないか。
購入資金を入れてくれた母を始めとする家族に感謝。
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